ENDED

 contest.jpg
And the winner is…. iPear with the following entry:
My sure fire plan into sneaking into any country, is sure fire, obviously, that’s why I said it was.
Basically, I’d flee my home country on a rickshaw/crappy automobile, maybe I’ll take like a rick shaw to the Afghani border. i’d sell the rick shaw in Afghanistan because of the huge black market Pakistan/India car smuggling ring they have in that area. I’d then use the money I just got from my sweet trade in and get myself a freaking Camel. Obviously, because I have womanly features, what with big manboobs and a wide-load ass, I can easily pull off a lone woman traveling the desert in her hot, dark, cover-alls. I’d expect to be stopped by one or two military ground units, and I’d probably let them have their way with me, I can probably handle buttrape if it means freedom. After taking a beating in the buttcrack, I’d slowly work my way up through the Kush to some random former USSR country like Tajzidejaokdizstan, or whatever, there, I would offer my virginal body, you know, because sex is like the ultimate ante, for maybe like, a horse or a polar bear, or whatever they ride down there, I’d take my horse/polar bear to lithuania, where I’d sell him for a counterfeit green card/visa thingy majigger and like a handful of Euros. After begging some, and giving off a little more sexual pleasurings, I would make my way to one of the many urban western European cities, and make a decent living driving a taxi cab, or being a prostitute, what with all of my work experience.
That is all. thank you
.”

iPear wins because we believe that he would do it. 
Winner will be contacted via email.

Thanks to everyone who entered there will be a new contest up here soon.

Rev. Zoldars almost won but lost for the same reason.  I know for a fact that he actually did what he listed, but we later decided to disqualify his entry due to the unfair advantage of him being a professional
………………………………………………………………………………………..

In honor of the release of the latest critically acclaimed M.I.A. album KALA, MonsterFresh.com is holding another contest.

mia-contest.jpg

If you are already an M.I.A. fan, then you are probably aware of the endless visa issues over the last few years, which have prevented her from entering into the U.S.  As M.I.A., says in the recent issue of Fader Magazine, “I was having this stupid visa problem and I didn’tknow what it was, aside from them thinking that I might to fly a plane into the Trade center-“.

To enter all you have to do is tell us how you would sneak into the country.  Hell, any country.  We don’t care!  The one we like the most will win an M.I.A. promotional prize pack.

Winner will recieve:
*M.I.A. T-Shirt (choice of Med. or Large.)
*M.I.A. bandana
*M.I.A
Boyz CD single
*M.I.A. KALA promotional poster flat
*M.I.A. KALA bumper-stickers
                          &
*
Issue #47 of Fader Magazine (feat. Lil’ Wayne cover and M.I.A. interview/article covering all aspects of her new album and it’s production)

(Entries must be left in the comments section here on the MonsterFresh.com “Contests” page and only entries with valid emails for contact will be eligible.)

contest.jpg

FLIGHT OF THE CONCHORDS Promo. Contest
WINNER ANNOUNCED!!!

WINNER recieves
1 Promotional FOTC Robot Stress Reliever
  &
1 Promotional Shrinkwrapped FOTC DVD

AND THE WINNER IS…….

DAVID
with the the following entry:

“If I were a monster robot (and won’t we all be eventually), I would destroy love. I would not be programmed to understand or experience human emotion. Love would naturally be the most troublesome to me. I would have to destroy it.Firstly, I would head to the nearest Hallmark factory; the place where love is manufactured. My titanium claws would hurl massive chunks of building far beyond the horizon, and the remnants would be ground to dust beneath my giant robot tank treads. Any cards which were not burned in the carnage I would send to old ladies with curse words written in them.Next, I would eliminate any hope of future love by destroying the most romantic city on Earth: Las Vegas. With my radioactive laser eyes I would fission all the neon signs into hydrogen, then make them explode. With all Elvis impersonators dying a fiery death, people would no longer be able to get married, and their love would be invalidated and die.Finally, I would eliminate any hope of that sort of mushy stuff returning to the human population. I would deploy my head mounted satellite dish and hijack the airways. I would jam broadcasts of the Oprah Winfrey Show, Lifetime and Oxygen Networks, and I would replace all instances of Hugh Grant with clips from “The Terminator” and my favorite Steven Segal films.”

You won because you were vicious, uncaring, and you were non-political. Plus you stuck to all of the requirements of the contests. These are quality traits. However we regret to inform you that your soul is BLACK and full of hate! Now email us and tell us where you live so that we can mail you this shit!

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