MonsterFresh.com

Shiro Ameko! (White American)

deadc — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 03:07:46 +0000

One of the first people contacted after starting MonsterFresh.com, was our writer known as D.W. Patton. It may have been the last time that I saw him face to face when we were sitting at the China Town bar in Olympia, Wa. We traded manuscripts. I gave him a 19 page paper I had written about my theories on time travel and Satan while he gave me a copy of a play that he had written entirely of Elizabethan dialogue involving a half-man/half-woman Brian Bosworth separated vertically down the middle. He is currently teaching children in Japan and has written 3 articles for the site about his experiences living in the Island Country. He has covered such topics as spending the 4th of July in a foreign land, Japanese Porn, and even cultural transplants such as McDonalds. I had hoped to receive more content based around these observations from an outsider and have had occasional emails with Patton pertaining to such aspirations. He had planned to send an article to me about the bar scenes and drinking in his current location but it has yet to happen for one reason or another. There was even hope that I could get the Zomba group to grant him free access to a Backstreet Boys concert in Japan so that he could report on the continued boy band frenzy and the juxtaposition of the two pop cultures coming together, but that didn’t work out either.D.W. has been very busy with work and other responsibilities as of late. I was recently thinking about him and his work. I had thought to contact him about possibly writing some more facinating content for us when I noticed a message in the MonsterFresh email account. Somehow during a correspondance with a friend of his, their email conversation was accidentally forwarded to me. Although I still hope to receive some material tailored specifically as an article and/or to work with him more in the future in one form or another, I quickly realized that the email that I had in my posession was a genuine article that represented some very deep and honest feelings for him at the time it was typed. It was written from a sincere place of evaluation for both his environment and his place within it. I know that he holds his time and experiences in Japan very dear, and that he truly does have respect for the culture and opportunities that he’s had over there, however, if I plan to print honest unfiltered material on this site, and I do, I felt that I could not overlook what I had read. I contacted him and Patton agreed to let me post his letter without hesitation. I hope, as I’m sure that he does, that this is read, not as a document of slander for a place and its people and culture, but as a look into the effects of culture shock on one’s psyche and emotional health and well-being. He has confirmed that this letter accurately represents his recent feelings as a foreigner living in a distant and very different land. Hopefully, this will further help those of us who read it, to re-evaluate the way that we too treat and view people around us who have ventured outside of their own cultural safe-zones with adjusted and more conscious approaches to what they may be experiencing. Below in bold type is that letter.

Thank you,
-Dead C

The amount of lying and cheating and dishonesty that lies beneath the superficial cosmetic complexion of the face of Japan is great.
I wouldn’t even know where to begin to explain where that thought came from, but I have learned it to be truth.
Sometimes I find it harder in Japan than in America to retreat behind a mask, because people look at me as if I am in costume just because of my skin, eye, and hair color.

I even smell different sometimes. And any difference I have is magnified because of my racial and national differences.
I hear that whores are cheap here and married women throw themselves at me for free, but it’s hard enough to look in the mirror in the morning without a bag of adulturey around my right eye and whoring around my left.

But the food is good here and people don’t kill each other.
They’re too busy with suicide in one drawn out form or another.
Three dollar tabacco.

Just walking by the pachinko parlours makes my ears ring.
Australian accents are more a part of my Japan than sushi.

A shower, a shave, and a tie around the neck in the morning hides the individuality, the pain, and dampens the enthusiasm of myself and prepares me to go to work where I am a well payed and quite respected clown singing the ABC’s.

Racists hate me and I flex my tattooed muscles at them because I think it’s funny because it is.

The nights away from the bullshit, for example at a dinner with a friends family are welcome. Normal people are great here. Nice normal people with good senses of humor, but it’s hard to meet them when people don’t talk to strangers and most people who want to speak English or meet foreigners either want to get laid or have a foreigner obsession. But the families I know are nice. They speak to me in their language and I can speak a little back.

So when I can’t do that I go to the vinyl bar and hang out with a couple Japanese guy friends. Sometimes go to the studio and scream heavy metal in to a microphone with my friend who plays guitar. We have to take our shoes off to go in to the studio and we can’t bring beverages that are more than 500ml in size and we can’t bring alcohol because Japan won’t let us, but I can scream as loud as I want to behind closed doors which is almost like escaping Japan.

Sometimes on the weekend, I play tackle football on a dirt field with no pads and Australians. We walk away a little bloody, then wash up and go drink beers.

Temples and Shrines are as abundant as the lies and the masks.
Drop ten cents and pray for good health and world peace
Then stumble home a few hours later
wake up hurting
and tie the noose again

“D.W. Patton”

The Grey Market & The Online Digital Camera Hustle

deadc — Thu, 15 May 2008 01:24:03 +0000

When I started MonsterFresh.com, I didn’t expect it to receive the amount of traffic that it did and I definitely didn’t expect it to arrive so quickly. I know that most people would view this as a positive dilema to be in, as do I, but I was left unprepared in a few areas. I am still trying to taper down the responsibilities that I have outside of the site and to lock down a consistent writing staff. Considering that I have been doing almost all of the writing, editing, photo imaging, research, etc. by myself lately, it has understandably affected the regularity of content. Fortunately, I am more concerned with consistency of quality, rather than with having a consistent amount of content. If that was my priority I could just swipe AP articles, turn MonsterFresh into a dump site for links, or, do what most of these internet “bloggers” do, which is take some bullshit photo of a celebrity from somewhere else and write a worthless dated comment underneath it. Trust me, I don’t handle the site the way that I do because I am unaware of the traffic possibilities of a site like I CAN HAS CHEEZBURGER? but, allow me to finally and clearly state my feelings officially: “As far as I am concerned, that site can suck the stripes off of a zebras cock.” I find staring at kitten calendar images and eating Nilla wafers in gem sweaters to have the same emotionally diluted creepiness of Misery’s Annie Wilkes and to be born of a perversion that parallels taking whip-its in a terry cloth bathrobe to nugget porn.

The main issue that I am currently concerned with trying to remedy for the site is technological. I tried to keep my life as low-tech as possible for years, and that’s part of why the internet medium and its possibilities are still fascinating to me. I always hope, especially with the interviews, that the following messages come through of, “We don’t do anything outside the realm of attainability. We don’t have any previous elite credentials. We don’t even have access to very high-tech equipment, but we do care about real interactions and in representing and in writing from viewpoints that the majority of readers aren’t already drowning in.” Sure its validating to try and successfully build a shelter out of gum wrappers and have it shield you from a tornado, but eventually you might want to get some fucking wood, maybe even a little paint, and throw something together that you don’t have to hot glue or duct tape every other day just to keep it functional. If I’m going to get photo passes for a Ween concert, I should be able to use that opportunity to get some choice shots fired off , if I want to throw it up on the site conveniently, I should have a decent digital camera, and, if I get a nice photo, I’m going to want the resolution to be good enough for me to be able to enlarge and mount the image. I knew that I would be receiving a $500 check in the mail soon and that I needed to utilize the opportunity to help step it up in the technology department.

After checking out reviews on CNET and surfing around on sites like DPReview, I settled on the Nikon D80. It’s a midrange Digital SLR that looked perfect for me. The reviews are very good and NIKON has always manufactured top of the line products. I then started typing in D80 searches into google and sites started popping up. Some of the first sites that are going to pop-up on a google search for DSLR’s are going to be sites like ShopCartUSA.com. These types of sites (Diduprice.com, Everyprice.com etc.) gather prices from around the net and present them in one place with the intention of making comparison shopping easier. There will, many times, be a chart with internet camera stores and links posted vertically down the left side. Each category to the left of these company’s will provide the shopper with various information about the product such as price, customer ratings for that particular distributor, and the availability. Please keep in mind that the availability always seems to read that the products are currently “IN STOCK“.

I went with a company called BestPriceCameras.com and with their D80 kit #3 which was priced @ $549. The following is listed as being included in the kit on the site:

1) Nikon D80, digital camera body w/US Warranty
2) 28-200 f/2.5-6.3 auto focus lens
3) 1GB memory card
4) Card Reader
5) LCD Screen Protectors
6) Lens Cleaning kit
7) Deluxe Case
Cap Keeper
9) Full Size Tripod
10) Lens Pouch
11) Wrist Strap
12) UV Filter

I noticed that in mentioning every single item in the kit down to the wrist strap, a battery was noticeably missing. I tried to call and question them about if a battery would actually be included but it was past business hours. I ordered the camera anyway and received a confirmation email that thanked me for ordering through them and read “Please allow a minimum of two business days for order processing.” The date that I received this email was on Sat. April 5th and the site promised a free upgrade to express shipping. I believe that it was on Monday the 7th that I was contacted with a voicemail.

The voicemail that was left sounded confusing. I swear the man calling said something in reference to light repair. I called the number left for me and, when I reached the caller, he asked me what kind of battery I wanted to have shipped off with my camera. It didn’t come with one but I could add a 2 or 4 hr battery to the shipment. He said that the 2hr battery was on sale for $149 and that the 4hr battery was about $199. I was on my way out the door to go to work and told him that I hadn’t thought about it and didn’t have much time. I asked him if he was packaging for shipping right then and he confirmed that he was, so I told him to just ship the camera without a battery. It sounded like bullshit to me anyway and I had a feeling that I could find one for much cheaper than that.

I was still feeling good about my order at this point because I felt like I had already figured out the ”catch” involved. The price was significantly lower than most but the battery was crazy expensive. With most products, you can save a great deal by going through ebay or craigslist, but with DSLR cameras this does not appear to be the case. They seem to be one of the products that have an incredibly solid resale value. The accessories, however, are much cheaper to find elsewhere and I ordered a battery for the camera off of ebay for a total of around $12 after shipping.

I had a big interview with musician Daniel Johnston scheduled for the site and I didn’t know if the battery would show up in time but, with the free express shipping, I figured that I should at least have the camera itself by then. The day before the interview, April 16th, I already had the battery in my mail box, but had yet to have the camera itself arrive. I call up the company and wait through what seemed like endless smooth jazz until I finally hear a ring. Someone answers the phone with a “Hello” and then immediately hangs up on me. I call back again and wait. Finally, I speak to someone and ask them to check on my order. This is the point where I find out the real catch… they don’t even have the fucking camera.

“It’s back ordered” they tell me. I tell them that is unacceptable and that it’s bullshit. I ask why somebody told me that they were shipping it and ask them to check if there is record of that phonecall in their system. They tell me that my file states that there was a phone call but that it did not specify what the phone call was about. I was pissed off when they gave me an ETA of 4-6 weeks more for my order and, when I asked what they suggested I do to deal with the fact that I was pressed for time, they suggested that I buy my camera from someone else. I had never received any follow up emails or phone calls about my order letting me know that there would be any delay. They attributed the delay and back orders to the “terrific” deals that they offer. The issue is that all they do is “offer“, because they definitely don’t seem to deliver a goddamn thing. As they repeat intermittently throughout the smooth jazz waiting music, they do not charge your card until your item ships, so at least I had that going for my situation but their “special offers” were quickly losing any and all value and relevance. What good is an upgrade on shipping if it takes forever to be sent out in the first place? I could take a year to overnight you a package but it’s not going to do much good. I should have cancelled the order then, but I figured that if I couldn’t find another sufficient deal within my budget by the time that the camera was in stock, I would still be in line to receive one. Plus, at this point, I kind of had my mind set on the D80.

I did the interview without a still camera and, a few days later, found the site SonicCameras.com. They had a similar set up to their site and even better deals. Right now, they currently have a D80 package with both a 228-80mm and a 70-300mm lenses for only $569. I knew that I should call them before ordering however, and its good that I did because they don’t actually have the fucking camera either. Sonic Cameras gave me an estimated time of arrival of 2 weeks though, so I kept that in mind…. just in case.

Last Thursday, May 8th, I thought it might be time to check in and find out what the fuck was going down as far as progress with my camera order. I knew that I was probably going to have to cancel the order so I called Sonic Cameras first to see if their shipment had arrived yet. This time Sonic was less than helpful. The customer service representative frankly just told me that they did not have the camera. When I asked him about an ETA he said there was not one and that they did not have the camera. He did not seem to concerned when I let him know that I was given a 2 week ETA last time. His only response was to repeat that there was no ETA to give and that they did not have the camera. Honestly, I’d rather hear that there is no ETA than to be told another lie. This brings me to the next call that I had to make to BestPriceCameras.

I dialed BestPriceCameras again and that’s the point where shit got really fucked up and crazy. I sat through the shitty pre-recorded music and message until some asshole answered the phone sounding like, internet sensation, Gino the Ginny. The call went something very similar to this:

BestPriceCameras: Hey

ME: I ordered a camera over a month ago and have not received anything. I called in and was given an ETA but wanted to check on the status of my order.

BPC: [incoherent mumbled comment]

Me: Excuse me

BPC: [more babble]

Me: I’m sorry-

BPC: [still jibberish]

ME: My order number is ….

BPC: [cutting me off and raising his voice] What was the camera!

ME: Oh, I ordered a D80. A Nikon D-

BPC: We don’t got it

me: I ordered a kit though and-

BPC: Dude! We don’t got it!

Me: Um… I ordered the Kit though could I just give you-

BPC: Dude, dude!

Me: I have a-

BPC: Dude, dude, dude. We don’t got it.

Me: But my kit-

BPC: Dude, We don’t got it. We don’t got the camera.

Me: Can I give you my order number or something to-

BPC: Dude! We don’t got it.

Me: You can’t just check my order?!

BPC: Why does it matter? We don’t got it.

Me: They gave me an ETA of 4-6 weeks could I check on-

BPC: Dude! Dude! We don’t got it. It doesn’t matter. We don’t got it!

Me: What’s the ETA now?

BPC: 6-8 weeks.

Me: From now?!

BPC: Yep.

Me: It went up? You can’t even check my order to see where-

BPC: Dude! It doesn’t matter, we don’t got it.

Me: I sent you guys my credit card number and you don’t-

BPC: Dude! You want it? Seven Ninety-nine.

Me: What! I thought you didn’t have it.

BPC: We don’t got the one you ordered.

Me: I haven’t even told you the kit that I-

BPC: Doesn’t matter. We got the one pre-packaged with the battery. It’s just the body.

Me: What?!

BPC: Dude! We don’t got it. You want it? $799. It’s $799

Me: I have a web site and I was told that it was shipped already. Now the ETA keeps going up. I have celebrity interviews that I have to show up to without a cameras now and I’m getting pissed off.

BPC: Dude! $799.

Me: Listen, I-

BPC: Dude, Dude, Dude! We don’t got it!

Me: Can you bring up my order numb-

BPC: It doesn’t matter!

Me: Well-

BPC: Dude! Why does it matter!

Me: I ordered a-

BPC: Does it matter?! Why does it matter?!

Me: Because you guys keep telling me different shit when I call. I was told that this camera was being shipped to me over a month ago.

BPC: If you are doing “celebrity” interviews you’re gonna need a battery right.

Me: No because-

BPC: Right?! So it doesn’t matter! Dude! Why does it matter?!

Me: No because I bought a fucking battery, because you were supposed to have sent the camera a month ago.

BPC: Oh.

Me: Can I just get connected to someone who will actually pull up my order so that I can cancel it.

BPC: All right.

It went something similar to that fiasco. Something very similar to a bad Jerky Boys skit. He does connect me to someone else and, while I’m waiting, I am listening to the recorded message express to me their concern with consumer happiness and in having terrific customer service be a priority.

The man whom I was connected with said that his name was Vinny and I let him know what just occurred. I told him that I was trying to be cool about shit at first but that I was now pissed. He apologized so I asked for a “real” explanation. He pulled up my order without problem and confirmed that the ETA would be 6-8 weeks. He then explained that they are back ordered because they have low priority on the list for the shipments from the distributors.

I forgot to mention that, earlier in the day, I had checked the site to see if the camera kit was still being offered as “available”. When I did, I saw that the price was actually being advertised more aggressively and with a n even cheaper sale price of $519. I pointed that out to Vinny and offered that, along with the fact that they are still taking orders, as possible reasons that they are continuing to be backed up on orders and he acknowledged that was true. I told him that I was pissed and that I would be contacting a consumer protection bureau about their Bait and Switch tactics and that, although he was helpful, I would be writing an article about this shit to post on the site. I suggested that they take the other camera out of the fucking box and put my kit together. He did not respond to this suggestion. I also told him that the previous customer service dick head should get the axe and he agreed. He apologized saying, “People like that have no social skills“. Here’s the kicker, he also said to me, “That guy, you know… he probably hasn’t been laid in a while“. That was actually his fucking apology; I’m not joking. He told me that the guy’s name was Chris and that I could leave a negative comment about him on their site. That was the best he had to offer. Oh… and I cancelled the order.

I also called the following companies who are presently advertising the D80 and D80 kits as “In Stock“ at really low prices. Here are the results from when I called and asked them if they actually had the camera “In Stock” as they claimed:

TheCameraProfessionals.com- Sounding really lazy and half-assed.
“No, I don’t“

LensesNMore.com- I get the one word answer of “No” from someone who is even more lethargic than the last guy.

1WayPhoto.com- This guy says no as well, but claims that they will have it in a week in a half. He sound like he’s been mixing klonopin and whiskey.

PhotoDynasty- Who knows? They might actually have it but they hung up on me twice. The recording starts with a British woman and then goes into the same exact smooth jazz recording used by some of the other sites. When I called back the second time, I didn’t even get to tell them the type of camera I was looking for before the tool said, “Uh, gimme a minute” and put me on hold for 10 minutes. I could hear rustling in the background too.

I filed a complaint with the Federal Trade Commision who connected me with the Consumer Protection Office in New York, where BestPriceCameras is located. After that I called Nikon with a number I found on their website. I asked them about any statements that they might have for the consumers in reference to the alarming amount of websites advertising to sell their products without actually having them. Although, I was bounced around the company to multiple different departments, everyone let me know that this was not a new issue. They also insured me that they put all authorized dealers through intense inspections and that’s why they only advise than anyone purchase a camera through one of their authorized dealers. You can check for authorized dealers in your area through NikonUSA.com

The last man that I spoke with was extremely helpful when I told him that I was writing an article. He mentioned something known as The Gray Market and helped direct me to literature about it. Below is some of the more important related information I located. It is taken directly from the Service and Support section of Nikon’s site.

What is “Gray Market”?

Generally, a manufacturer works with a single importer who can sell and support their products in a given region. The importer usually has local dealers and distributors who resell the imported products; this is called a “distribution channel”. Gray Market refers to merchandise that is imported and sold by methods other than these normal channels.

For local safety regulations and certifications (FCC, CE, UL, etc.) and government requirements a manufacturer provides special packaging (manuals in the appropriate language, power cables designed for the local receptacle, etc.) and product engineering designed to meet local codes. Manufacturers also have service and support agreements with the authorized importer.

How do I know if my Nikon product is “Grey Market”?

If the deal was just too good to be true, it probably was. One of the first indicators that a piece of Nikon merchandise might be Gray Market is if the price is considerably less than most other resellers.

Additionally, a genuine Nikon Inc. USA product will include an Owners’ Manual and Warranty Registration card in English. It will also include power cables (if applicable) designed for US style plugs. Any other language on the printed material or wrong cables indicates a Gray Market item.

Another indication of a Gray Market product would be photocopied manuals or manually created software CD’s. Nikon Inc. USA always provides professionally printed or duplicated materials with genuine products.
———————————————————–

If you are going to buy equipment online from a company that you’ve never heard of, please call in advance to verify that they even have the fucking thing. It seems simple, as it should be, but if you don’t, things can get a whole lot more complicated then you’d ever care to deal with.

-Dead C

Songs of Pain: Daniel Johnston Interview

deadc — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 21:46:19 +0000

So it’s about 20 minutes before I’m supposed to do my interview with songwriting legend Daniel Johnston when my girlfriend Kim walks into the Comet Tavern. I’m drinking a Mac & Jacks African Amber and trying to get all of my notes and shit organized because I’m still under the misguided idea that I may actually be able to gear the upcoming conversation with the manic depressive musician into some direction of my choosing. Already, nothing is going as planned.

I hand Kim a DV camera and inform her that she will be filming the interview and then ask her to watch all of my equipment and notes while I run to QFC to get film. I found out the day before that I would not be recieving the Digital SLR camera that I had ordered weeks prior (this situation will be covered in another article) and so I brought an old manual Cannon AE1 for which I had accidentally bought the wrong film, in my frenzy to reach the venue on time. I purchased new film and rushed back to the bar only to find out that the Camera battery was dead anyway, so I was fucked. No camera to go with the photopass. Another opportunity lost, but such is the way of MonsterFresh.

As soon as we walk across the street to the venue, Neumos Crystal Ball Reading Room, I spot Daniel’s brother/tour manager, Dick Johnston whom I recognized from the documentary. I shook his hand and he led me around the building so that we could get things rolling. If you have seen the film The Devil and Daniel Johnston, you may remember Dick as the brother who’s ribs were broken by Daniel on Christmas. He set up the interview for me and is working as Daniel’s tour manager. Their father is Daniel’s manager and their sister Margie Johnston has been known to help with the management of his art. The family is very involved in Daniel’s finances in such ways as insuring that he is paid sufficiently, that his rent is paid, that he has groceries, etc.

We turn the corner and I see Daniel with his head lowered to the ground and smoking a cigarette. The front of his hair is yellowing from nicotine, he is wearing a faded black Spiderman T-shirt and a windbreaker, and he seems to be oblivious to who he is and what that actually means. He is standing very nonchalant outside of the building, as if he were unnoticible, when we approach. An employee of Neumos asks Daniel if he and/or Dick need anything in the way of food. Daniel has mentioned in the past that he is trying to lose the weight that he has gained over the years, no doubt due to his medication, so he makes sure to specify a “DIET” Coke in his request for a cheeseburger and fries. She says that she will go get some from a place down the street and, when Daniel implies that he will go up there himself, his brother/manager reminds him that he has a sound check to do and ushers him into the building as I follow behind.

At this point, I haven’t said shit and I am holding a vinyl copy of a live radio broadcast of Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein. I picked it up at my favorite local record store for Daniel, knowing his infatuation with monsters, and figured that I could use it now as an ice-breaker, considering that he didn’t even seem to react to the fact that I was there or wonder why. I say hello, inform him that I was there to do an interview, and give him the record. He responded with something to the effect of, “Man, this is really cool. I love Frankenstein!“. Dick informs Daniel that it will take a minute for soundcheck and that now would be a good time to do an interview, so Daniel agrees and finds a round table in the corner of the venue next to a bunch of trashcans to sit at. As I walk across the room to find a chair of my own, I notice that a couple of fans have lurked in but are standing back respectfully. I pull up my chair, sit down in the Chip & Peppers I scored at a thrift store, and immediately realize that I’m sitting in gum. Not old hard gum, mind you, but fresh sticky warm gum and it’s all over my ass. Fuck it! Just hit “RECORD“. We’re already in it. Let’s do this thing.

Daniel Johnston: Hey Dick, could you get me a Diet Coke?

Dick Johnston: She said she’s working on it Daniel!

Oh, I mean, do they have anything to drink at the bar? Soda Pop or something?

She said she was gonna get you one Daniel

*Laughing* Where is she? I mean, at the bar. I just need something to drink right now, that’s all.
*towards me* Okay. Sorry.

DEAD C: That’s fine.

*noticing my notes* I see you’ve done your research, huh?

*Holding up the record I gave him*
Thank you for the Frankenstein album. I LOVE Frankenstein.

I know.

*He laughs*

I saw that today and I was like, “I better pick that up“. I know you’re a big fan.

*He nods as the woman from Neumos places a can of Diet Coke on the table in front of him*

Thank you.

And, so back then, your family wasn’t as supportive.

Uh, huh.

But now, your family’s really, really involved in everything you do?

Uh, huh. Uh, huh.

Is that, to you, kind of like a poetic irony?

I really don’t know. I really don’t know what you said. But, y’know… *shakes head* I don’t know.

Your family’s really supportive of you now though, right?

Mmm, hmm.

…Of your music?

*he nods*

I heard something about you maybe doing something with Alternative Tentacles and you were also talking about a Christmas Album. Did anything happen with either of them?

Uh…what was the question again?

I read something where you just talked about possibly doing an album with Alternative Tentacles and…

Mm hmmm. Yeah, well we’re working on an album called Death of Satan with my group called Danny and the Nightmares. We’ve been working on it for about a year and we’re looking forward to, y’know, eventually releasing it this year.

And that’s gonna be on that label?

Mm hmm. That’s the label we’re shooting for, so we hope we can get it, yeah.

You’ve mentioned a Christmas album, are you still thinking about doing that?

Yeah, a Christmas album. We were were thinking about doing a Christmas album. Well, I had the fantasy of doing a Christmas album with The Butthole Surfers but, it never came around. But one of my producers always wanted to do a Christmas album.

Do you still talk to Gibby (Haynes from The Butthole Surfers)?

Yeah, I’ve seen him around. Yeah, I’ve seen him.

Um, I know you’ve made a lot of films a long time ago…

Uh, huh.

…a lot of short films. And you have a lot of interest in art and music; do you do anything with the films still?

Uhhhh…. Yeah, well we have been making some videos with the group and stuff. And y’know, the movie came out… last year, I guess. But, other than that, we’ve been doing a few videos that haven’t been finished yet.

After you saw the movie- I know you’ve seen it (The Devil And Daniel Johnston) quite a few times now

Mm hmm.

Did it make you want to keep documenting your life or did it make you, kind of, want to slow down? Because they had so much of your life at once. That must have been a lot to watch.

Just happened, over in an instant. It’s like my life is over the minute they put it on the show. *laughing uncomfortably* Sure was embarrasing.

Was it?

But it was kind of funny. I think it has a sense of humor. It’s more like me sitting right here talking to you now. you’re probably thinking, “Oh, what an idiot.“-

I was an idiot in the film. That’s how I felt, y’know. But I thought it had a sense of humor. Even though they’re laughing at me, at least they’re laughing.

You see, I didn’t see it like that. It was really exposed but, as far as if you see it that way… I’ve been in a mental ward too, y’know.

Yeah, yeah. I know… boy was that hard to do. I was in a mental hospital for 5 years of my life. And I wasn’t writing, and I wasn’t even drawing that much. It was just a desperate attempt to have a cigarette by the (end of) the whole thing.

Yeah.

*both laugh*

We had cigarettes when I was in there-

Yeah, Yeah.

So that was nice.

They provided cigarettes?

Uh, no. They had a little room… a little area.

Yeah. Well, I didn’t smoke until I was staying in one place and they said, “Here’s a cigarette- Smoke break.” And they would give us cigarettes. So-

That’s how I started too.

-I started smoking just for the heck of it. And then when I went to a different one, no cigarettes. Y’know? And I was like- Every time I’d get a carton of cigarettes, I gave everybody cigarettes. I was like Mr. Popular. And then when I ran out of cigarettes NO ONE would give ME a cigarette. So that just goes to show you… *laughs*

Yeah, they told me I was borderline narcissistic and hypomanic.

*He nods and takes a swig off of his soda can*

And um… the medication. That must have made it difficult for you to write. When did you finally-

Well, they were just experimenting on me like a guinea pig. I mean they didn’t even talk. The doctors never talked to me. They just kept shoving pills down our throats, y’know. When I finally did get out and get the right medication- It’s been the longest time… and I am a manic depression. I have severe- (or) HAD severe depression. But because of the right medication, it’s been about ten, fifteen years now, and I’ve been on top of things and haven’t had to go back to a hospital. So I really am grateful for that.

Yeah.

It’s pretty good stuff I get. I get some anti-depressants. The first time I got it, I was bedridden for a year, thinking I was damned by god or something. Right? And then they gave me the Elavil anti-depressant. I was up the next day, climbed up the hill to my old piano and I started writing songs right away. And, first thing I knew, I went to New York and recorded my album 1990.

That’s a great album too.

Thanks.

‘cuz I listen to a lot of the early stuff.

Uh, huh.

Were you recording those albums, like Hi, How are you?, Were you just recording them on a tape recorder.

Mm hmm.

Because it sounds like on 1990, the production changed and you could hear everything really well.

Mmm hmmm *nods*

Is that the moment that you felt like you just broke through the medication? When you went up there and played.

Yeah. You mean… to New York?

Well, yeah. I mean, you call it a “Lost Year“, right?

Uh, huh.

After that… (I’m wondering) what that moment is where you felt like you could do that again.

Yeah. I just started writing again *snaps* You know, right away. It comes down to medication. And I tell everyone in the Rock N Roll business that do drugs- Speed, and everything else… get high on marijuana and everything. If they really want to be a Rock N Roller, they outta go to a doctor and ask them for some antidepressants, or different kind of pills, for whatever their ill is. And you get a lot better buzz off prescription medicine. More than smoking marijuana all the time, y’know.

Yeah.

But it’s the truth. I feel great a lot of the times and I don’t get depressed anymore like I used to, which is a real miracle.

I also read something about a film that wasn’t a documentary. You had some people (who) were talking about making and actual… like… a movie.

Right.

And you had said that you would maybe want to star in it? What’s the deal with that?

Yeah. I hope to make more movies and I wanted to direct my own movie, y’know, for fun. That’s what I plan to do.

You’re also into a lot of comics. Are you interested in the Iron Man movie that’s coming out at all, or are you not even into Iron Man very much?

Oh, I love Iron Man. They wanted me to draw the drawing for the movie.

Oh, really?

*nods* For the poster. Y’know? So I did a bunch of them. I don’t think they’ll be able to use ‘em. I mean, if they like them, they could but I’m sure they could get someone to do better than the ones I did. I don’t know, but… it’s like a new Iron Man movie. And then, on top of that, they designed a shoe-

*I stare at his plain white shoes*

*smiling* These aren’t it

*Laughing* Oh, Okay.

But they want me to design a shoe with my drawings in it.

*We both laugh*

What will they think of next?

Who’s that?

Converse.

Oh, okay. Nice.

*reaching into his pocket* I can’t smoke right here?

KIM (GF): Yeah, I think you have to go outside.

Okay….okay

So, I know you’re a huge Beatles fan.

Mm hmm.

Songs like Greivances kind of sound a little more like Bob Dylan. Do you listen to a lot of Dylan?

Oh, Bob Dylan’s right up there with all my heroes. That’s for sure.

So, when you talk about Jack Kirby, you talk about someone whos work wasn’t as good as his other work-

Uh, no

-but you could still see the-

Oh, I’m a die hard fan of Kirby. I just got back, I had almost $500 worth of Kirby comics and books I bought at the comic book store here in town (Seattle) and uh…. so I do love Kirby *laughs* It’s like the Beatles too, y’know. I can’t get enough. I got all the bootlegs and stuff, and I can never get enough.

Do you think it’s the same kind of thing with your early recordings? ‘Cuz I still listen to ‘em and even though they’ve become digital and are on CDs.

Right.

Even though you don’t have the studio, you can still hear the music come through. And then you get to something like 1990 where the production shows what you were doing with a little bit better sound.

*reaches for cigarettes again*

And then nowadays, when you do songs like your song The Beatles it’s really confident and the production is up there. Do you think you have the same quality (as Kirby) and that’s why people still want to listen to those old recordings, even though they were made so lo-fi?

Well. *slams back and tosses soda can* I’m trying to get better production, y’know.

Mm hmm.

I recorded with Paul leary and we did the album called Fun, on Atlantic. We’re thinking about doing another album: Fun 2. Y’know, the second Fun album. And I’m planning top do some recording with Mark Linkous again of the band Sparklehorse. I’ve been working on that for a few years too, so…

So that’s a sequel to the first Sparklehorse album…

That’s right. That’s right, there’s a lot of different projects in the making.
*grabs cigarette out and puts it back into the pack*

It’s just what the medication was, right? Because when you were doing shows for a while you would go off of the meds.

Right.

Is that because you didn’t feel like you could do ‘em without them?

Uh….

But when you got the right ones you felt like you could?

Uh…*shrugs* yeah….I don’t think I’d ever like, re-record. Unless I did like a greatest hits and then I’d like to make some new arrangements, y’know.

Fan (behind me): Yeah, fucking awesome.

*laughing* That’d be cool.

[At this point, Daniel is holding his smokes and is shaking a bit again, so I know it's probably time to wind down]

I know you work on comics and you work on maybe getting comic books. But your art- You sell it so fast.

Uh, huh.

So you don’t really have these steps or back catalog. But you have a lot of, you know…the devil in your pictures. Do you look at that (Satan) as the opposite of art? Do you look at art as your spirituality? Or as just like a medium to express yourself?

*tapping Kools on table & nodding contemplatively*
I agree.

Is that how you see your artwork?

It’s the same kind of thing. You know, I’ll draw cartoons for a while, then I’ll play music for a while, then I’ll watch a movie or two, then I’ll… eat a bunch of food. Then I’ll play some more music. Then I’ll draw a little bit. Then I’ll watch another movie. That’s my day, all by myself. Except, unless my band gets together to do some recording on the weekends. And then we go off on little tours like this. We’ve got 3 more shows and I’m having a pretty good time, y’know. I just hope that everything can work out right so I can record the albums that I want to, and stuff like that. And we get some pretty good crowds too. Sell out crowds too, y’know, so…
*shrugs again*

Well, yeah. You sold out Portland and I don’t think that people are just coming to see you because of what you used to make. From what I’ve heard, your material is still really good, it’s still vital.

Well, it’s getting ancient. I’ve come along way from playing the chord organ. But, I really like working with Brian Beattie. He’s got some really cool music.

So do you have a lot of stuff lined up for the next couple albums then?

Yeah. Yeah, we have one more album with Brian Beattie called Rarely with some rare tracks and each tracks is gonna be like, super produced. Real- Something tricky about it. You know, something really cool. He’s got a lot of it done already and that might be the next release, with Brian. And like I said, the new album with Danny and the Nightmares, the Death of Satan (that) we’ve been working on for a long time. It’s kind of a scary album.

In what, with just like, the lyrics or the music too.

The lyrics AND the music. There’s like overdubs and the wrong lyrics and all kinds of things about it… and y’know, fragments of Beatles songs and stuff like that. It’s pretty scary *giggles*

Well, thanks for talking with me.

Yeah, thanks a lot. I sure appreciate it.

*we shake hands*

Yeah.

Thanks for the album.

I know you want to get a cigarette.

Yeah, that’s right. *heads out towards door*

I sat in a piece of gum there.

Kim: Did you?

*laughing* Yeah, I totally did.

*overhearing* You sat on a piece of gum?

That’s right.

Oh, sorry about that.

Oh, it’s all good.

I follow Daniel back outside but I leave the camera turned off. I thought of moving the interview outside just minutes into it, so that he could smoke but I don’t know if that really would have made much of a difference beyond adding the distraction of swarming fans into the equation. We did talk a little more outside, however. When I brought up his appearance on Kimya Dawson’s Hidden Vagenda album, Daniel said that he loves her stuff and when he signed my 100 Deadliest Karate Moves book, he said, “I prefer Kung-Fu myself”. He invinted Kim and I to go hang out after the show backstage and we let him get back to smoking and talking with fans.

I researched quite a bit before doing this interview but Daniel is still always going to be a bit of a wild card. I also tried to intentionally avoid entering into certain areas of conversation that I felt may be “too safe” because many of those topics have been adressed in other interviews. I quickly became aware that his answers to these same questions, however, often seem to be inconsistent. In an interview he did with Mondo 2000, while he was in a mental ward, Johnston said the following: “Captain America will return. In the flesh. In the Great Tribulation there will be a great Captain America who will save many from total doom.” Later, however, in another interview with Crimewave, when asked about his claims that Captain America is “real“, he attempted to clarify by saying, “In my theory what I mean is that… they exist on sort of a realm, especially for children… imagination. You know, cartoon characters and things children believe in, they exist. Just like Santa Claus I guess.” He was obivously more lucid and analytical in the later interview and even clearly articulated and reflected about his alternate states of mind and opportunities lost. “I turn down Elektra. It was really stupid and it was because I was afraid of Metallica. And that’s the truth, I was dumb…..Steven Spielberg tried to get me to sign with him and I told whoever it was on the phone that I didn’t want to be ET and that was the end of that… I could’ve been on Steven Spielberg’s label and I was so stupid and they never called back either…that’s two chances I’ve ruined for no good reason.” In reference to his thoughts on the movie Daniel has said “I think it’s funny enough for anybody that has a sense of humour. If there was a laugh track on there it would’ve helped out.” and even, “I’ve seen it about 10 times. I really do like it.” but the response I received was, of course, quite different.

It turns out that the two guys who were lingering behind us during the interview apparently went to highschool with me, so we all went next door to get some drinks before the show and talked about the whole situation that just went down. One of them mentioned that they were glad that I ended the interview when I did, because they were picking up on the same uncomfortably restless vibe from Daniel that I was. They, however, assured me that the interview went really well despite the awkward moments. I, myself, have mixed feelings about the interview and, more specifically, in how Daniel may be percieved through it. It was good to talk with die-hard fans who had witnessed it and have respect for him that let me know that it’s important to show Johnston “the way he is“.

James McNew of Yo La Tengo said, “I once visited him in a mental hospital and it was difficult to have a conversation but when he’s playing he comes alive. We’ve done gigs with him and it’s like performing with Santa or the Easter Bunny, this mythical creature that’s only existed in your imagination.” I feel that this quote really sums up my own experience with Daniel. He got quite a bit of help with the instrumentation in his performance but he still put his soul into the vocals. He performed classics like Walking The Cow and finished the show off by first, playing True Love Will Find You In The End, and then having the entire crowd sing along with him to his acapella classic Devil Town. I realized, after viewing my interview with him repeatedly, that my feelings are very similar to Daniel’s feelings about his documentary, in that they often change. I first viewed it as a trainwreck and I felt like an asshole but now I am more positive than ever about getting the chance to to have this experience. I am now aware that this interview, like all of the others I’ve read, is like a sample of Daniel in a little capsule and I actually encourage everyone to continue on and read the interviewers done by others out there. Just like his music, in the respect that each little song exposes something new about Daniel, it seems that each and every moment captured in his life tends to do the same. I am proud to contribute something new, no matter how small, to help archive his life. There are many expectations that have been put on the artist by others before me and even more expectations placed by him on himself, but I believe that his art is so authentic that it mirrors his personality directly. The greatness of Daniel’s work doesn’t come from the fact that he’s dealt with so many emotional battles, but despite them. Much like a large portion of his musical recordings, there is also a low-fi static around who Daniel really is and, once you get to the center of them both and witness what is beneath, the previous barriers actually dissipate. If you believe as I do, that physical art is really just amanifestation of the intangible into the tangible, no one is more successful than Daniel Johnston. Daniel Johnston writes timeless songs with no perservatives.

Johnston went from making remarkable low-fi tape recordings with his nephew’s toy chord organ to becoming one of the most repected songwriters of his generation, with various incarcerations and mental breakdowns and delusions thrown in, of course. His music has been covered and/or cited as an inspiration by fellow musicians from Tom Waits to Kurt Cobain and he has even worked with the likes of Jad Fair (Half Japanese) and members of Sonic Youth. I first became aware of Johnston, myself, through a Built to Spill album that contained a cover of Some Things Last A Long Time and , although his legend and music continued to spread and, although that is a wonderful and magnificent thing, Daniel has lived through some of the most nightmarish hells and, for years, did not recieve much of any financial compensation for his work or for the pain and soul that he pours into it. Finally, in 2004 Gammon Records released a 2-disc compilation of Daniel’s music called Discovered Covered. One Disc is of Johnston originals while the other disc contains covers from musicians such as Beck and The Flaming Lips. The proceeds from the double album went into building Daniel a home of his own next to his parents residence in Texas and Yo-La Tengo’s cover of the track Speeding Morotcycle was used in a Target advertisement for which Daniel recieved $40,000.

If you are planning to purchase any Daniel Johnston music or merchandise, I strongly encourage you to try and buy it through HiHowAreYou.com or download it through the site YipEyeTunes.com. This is the one sure way, aside from buying directly at his concerts, to make sure that your money is actually going to support Daniel. The official fansite, RejectedUnknown.com is another great source for anything Daniel Johnston, inlcuding updates, interviews, links, etc. If you have gum stuck to your jeans a)heat up some vinegar in your microwave b) apply to effected area of denim c) remove by rubbing spot with a toothbrush in circular patterns. No shit… it works!

-DEAD C

music

Mitch Hedberg: Comedy & Tragedy

deadc — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 04:40:37 +0000

You may have heard of Mitch Hedberg. It seems now as though lots of people have. Hedberg’s comedy is like most great secrets: if it’s great enough, eventually every body will find out about it but, quite often, not until it’s far too late to do anything about it.

Mitch died on March 29, 2005 with cocaine and heroin in his system. He would have turned 40 years old just this last February. It wasn’t until a couple of days afterwards, April 1st or so, that I found out about his death and I immediately called my friend Jeremy who was also a fan of his. After looking into it a bit more, Jeremy informed me that there was some speculation that the whole situation could possibly just be a prank because of its timing with April Fools Day. I knew that the only similarity to the news about Hedberg’s death and some Andy Kaufman-esqe scheme, is that they were both actually dead. I had met Mitch Hedberg twice before and his death and, although it was beyond incredibly tragic and unfortunate, it did not come as a shock in the slightest.

I say that I “met” him, and that much is true, but to think that he would have even remembered our encounters is probably just wishful thinking. He was performing at a venue called The GO Club in Olympia, WA, which later became JAKES (a gay danceclub). His wife Lynn Shawcroft, a comedienne, was opening and MC-ing the show. When he shook my hand the first time, he actually missed the target. He then, without coordination, stumbled around at 1/4 speed into a complete circle before coming back around and connecting into an actual formal greeting. I could already tell that he probably wasn’t in the best shape then.

In tribute to the 3yr anniversary of his death, I have posted the article below. It was originally written for and printed in the May, 15th 2003 issue of the Evergreen State College newspaper, the Cooper Point Journal. I wrote it after the second time that I attended one of his performances. In reading it now, it is apparent that, even back then, there were clear signs that his health was in Jeopardy.

You Could Have Gotten Some Hedberg

Picture this: Last Thursday May 8th, tons of sad hippies arrive at the Eastside Club expecting to drink “dank” beers on “Thirsty Thursday” only to find out that the club is renovating. They lower their heads, dreadlocks blocking their tears, and are forced to go home on one Thursday night not reeking of cigarette smoke. Sound tragic? Does it make you want to sponsor one of these poor unfortunates? Good news folks…this doesn’t have to be the case if you follow my example. When I saw that the bar was closed, I simply headed over to the GO Club to see Mitch Hedberg perform on comedy night, chuckled my ass of, and still was able to arrive home with my dreadlocks smelling of second hand Marlboro Reds.

Mitch Hedberg is a funny bastard and I meant to alert you to his arrival but was unable to make the CPJ deadline. I was in LA and I went to use the computer lab to email the article but, unlike thoughtfully lazy Evergreen students, they completely log off when using computers at UCLA so that passwordless random people like myself are unable to take advantage of their electronic services. Nobody seems to take my advice anyway, so I’m sure that you the reader will pay no attention to my entertainment suggestions even though you should. I’m smart and I know what’s good. Hell, I listened to me and had a fabulous time. Also, I know this is off the subject, but is anybody aware that there is a mall in the middle of the UCLA campus?

I first saw Mitch Hedberg on TV in 1999 but didn’t see him live until he performed last year at the GO Club, a club that he says “sounds like they want you to leave.” He said that he performs at a lot of colleges and that, if he were in school, he would take his tests at restaruants because “the customer is always right.“ Mitch always seems to be telling drug jokes. He stated that he likes the Fed-Ex driver because “he is a drug dealer and doesn’t know it.“ He joked that, although it seems like it, he doesn’t smoke pot before a performance because he gets paranoid and he prefers cocaine and Xanax. “Coke doesn’t give me anxiety and Xanax makes sure ans fuck it don’t,” he says. He made an animal joke where he claimed that he hasd a talking parrot “but it did’t say, ‘I’m hungry.’ So it died.“ He then made a hybrid drug/animal joke saying that drug dogs are not man’s best friend and they they are “tattle tails“.

Although Mitch performed a solid set with at least 90% fresh new material, there were a couple of weird deja vu similarities to the last time that I saw his act. He repeated a joke that he had told earlier in the night late in his set. The first time that I saw him, he immediately realized it when nobody was laughing and turned that into a joke. I had wondered if it was planned but, when he was unable to recover as smoothly this time, I realized that he had simply fucked up. Another similarity this time was when Hedberg tries to hook up with coke mid-performance. Last time he asked, “Is anybody a cop out there?” and when nobody responded he said, “Okay then, let’s do this,” and told an audience member that they would talk later. After the show, when I met him backstage, he seemed spun out as he singed next to Ike Turner’s name in my Book of Mormon. I can’t say if he was high or not, but he sure did seem that way and he sure is getting skinny nowadays. I have a feeling that he might have been joking at first but, when it worked at the GO club last time, he figured that he just might try it again. He seemed fairly sober this time but, if I am right, it works as one more agrument in convincing you to see his routine while you still can. It’s like Mitch’s friend comedian Marc Maron says, “If they drug tested people in my business, there would be only 3 comedians left and 2 of them would work with puppets.“

You can find out more about Mitch on his official website www.Mitchhedberg.net. On the site you can do everything from purchase his album to view live video clips of his standup. There’s even a section titled “Things Mitch Would Recommend if He Recommended Things” where it says “Read Motley Crue’s ‘The Dirt’ if you think you’re fucking up your life. You’re not. Not as hard anyway.“

Attending comedy shows is a good way to cure boredom and the GO club has comedy night every Thursday. I was bored in LA after we lost track of the girl in the fat-suit filming a “Dr. Phil” segement on Muscle Beach. We went to a show at The Comedy Store and it turned our day around. There’s nothing more interesting than something you’ve never experienced, and if you’ve never seen live stand up, then you owe it to yourself to check it out. This Thursday (tonight) the GO Club has Dustin “Samuel ‘Screech’ Powers” Diamond performing. That should be funny if it’s not funny, if ya git what I mean.

The show that I referred to attending those 5 years ago in Hollywood had another growing comic headlining by the name of Dane Cook and he bombed like Hiroshima. Since then his career has blown up like Nagasaki. Comedians seem to have as many opportunities as they have ever had before, but, unfortunately, Mitch isn’t around to reap the benefits of a career that was really starting to blossom before it was cut short.

According to Wikipedia, he was actually arrested for Heroin possession in Austin, TX the very same month that I originally wrote about the accounts above. One of the best one-liners that Mitch Hedberg ever delivered was ”I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too“. He died far too young but it is nice to see that he, at the very least, is beginning to get the recognition in death that he so richly deserved when he was still alive.

-Dead C

Here is a clip of Mitch Hedberg from Just For Laughs: Stand Up, Vol. 2: On the Edge - 02